Hello, my name is Michael, and I love movies.

I managed a video store for three years. I hold a degree in Film Studies.  I’m a(n) accomplished screenwriter.  I’m even employed by Warner Brothers (though they’re more concerned with my ability to stuff paychecks into envelopes than my ideas).

However, despite all this, there’s still an ungodly amount of fantastic cinema that I have yet to experience.  Back in the day, when I was stocking shelves and chatting up customers at Vision Video, I frequently heard the phrase:

“What do you mean you haven’t seen that!? You work at a video store!”

Yeah, I know.  Trust me, I wish I could take back the time I spent watching Date Movie and put that hour and a half towards something riveting and awe-inspiring. Like this classic gem of a film.

Therefore, in honor of all the epic and glorious films I’ve missed, here’s a list of the Top 10 Movies of All Time That I Haven’t Taken The Time Or Made An Effort To See… Yet. I will list them in descending order, and provide a brief review on what I can only assume the damn thing is about.

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10.  CITY LIGHTS

Charlie Chaplin probably warms your heart in this delightful romantic comedy… without uttering a word of dialogue.  Watch him twist, turn, fall over, and get back up again, all while trying to impress a sweet, blind flower girl.  He gets the girl in the end, right?

9.  12 ANGRY MEN

As a murder trial unfolds, one juror stands alone in his belief of the defendant’s innocence.  The other eleven, however, get really pissed that he won’t just agree with them and turn in a guilty verdict so they can all get back home to their families.  They band together and form a plot to kill the dissenting juror.

8. THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY

I know Clint Eastwood is involved, so he’s definitely not “the ugly.”  But is he “the good” or “the bad”?  I’ve seen about the first 20 minutes, but all I remember is that someone was hanging, and then they got rescued, and then some guys divvied out some money.  The end.

7.  TOUCH OF EVIL

This is the one where Charlton Heston plays a Mexican, right?  I’m assuming that Orson Welles is the bad guy, and he has the special ability to touch someone and make them evil.  He goes on a rampage across the world, creating an army of insatiable, blood-thirsty ne’er-do-wells with his his magic touch.  Only Charlton can stop him, and in the end, he does… by chopping off his hands.

6.  RAGING BULL

Don’t worry, I’ve seen De Niro in a Scorsese film, but it was called Taxi Driver. In this sequel, Travis Bickle quits his job shuttling people around and breaking up prostitution rings to jump in the boxing ring and beat the shit out of people for sport.

5.  8 1/2

The first foreign film on my list!  Though I’ll admit I didn’t find La Dolce Vita to be all that great, I do think Marcello Mastroianni is a captivating force on screen.  In this fellow Fellini flick, and spin on the classic Cinderella tale, our hero travels the Italian countryside, trying to find his dream woman who accidentally left her shoe behind, size 8 1/2.

4.  VERTIGO

The film that inspired Lucille Austero’s mysterious illness.  Jimmy Stewart, playing a likable fellow, keeps losing his balance and nearly falling out of windows and moving cars.  As scientists race to find the cure, an evil conspiracy to completely eliminate Earth’s gravitational pull is revealed.

3.  THE GODFATHER PART II

At least I’ve seen the first one!  This one picks up where the original left off: Pacino is the new Don, and Annie Hall is still annoying the crap out of him.  He puts a hit out on her, but when he realizes he actually still loves her, the race is on to call off the assassins… before it’s too late.

2.  SEVEN SAMURAI

Of Kurosawa’s vast and historically important catalog, I’ve only seen Ikiru (twice) and The Hidden Fortress.  Since this movie features the leads in both of those films, I can logically deduce that Seven Samurai is a mixture of the two.  Therefore, in this film, a group of seven samurais are escorting a princess across enemy lines.  At one point, they all learn they have terminal illnesses, and they spend the remainder of the film reflecting on their lives and the people they’ve become.

1.  CASABLANCA

Here’s looking at you, kid.  Considered by many to be the greatest screenplay of all time, I’ve never read it, nor even seen the film.  Yeah, Humprey Bogart is a bad ass, but look closer: it’s in black and white.  Why should I watch some monochromatic piece of junk when I can watch giant blue people run and jump through the jungle in full color AND in 3-D!? Case closed.

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Can you think of any I missed?  Odds are I’ve either already seen it, or just completely dropped the ball.  Please, leave comments, drop feedback, send hate mail.

I wanted to end this with a poll, but I can’t figure out how to make that work (PT, help).  Anyway, I’m interested to know, of these ten films here, which is your favorite?  Which should I track down and rent first?

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